Ok so it's been a while since the last time I wrote anything. I've missed writing but I've been afraid that y'all would get bored with my blog and might be annoyed if I wrote about the same stuff. Needless to say my life has not been completely uneventful since the last time I wrote.
Just to give you an abbreviated version I climbed on the Rock, fell off the Rock, subsequently popped both of my knees out of place, dropped my rock climbing instructor out of a tree (it wasn't entirely my my fault and I did catch him before he hit the ground), signed up for skydiving/ many other adventurous trips, I became a vegetarian, I quit being a vegetarian, I started attending a Zumba and Yoga class (which I LOVE), I found out that I'm allergic to wheat products, and I have since renewed my obsession with Adventure Guy.
What prompted me to write now was a blog post a friend wrote. In this particular post she was talking about all of the things she feels shame about in her life. This made me think about my own "shames".
I am shamed by the fact that I can't seem to give up junk food. That I never stick to a diet for very long. When I say diet I mean eating healthier and giving up processed foods. And the fact that I am obsessing with this same stupid guy again and we never even talk!
I mean he did ask me if I was going to go skydiving a couple of weeks ago and I swear a month before that I saw him staring at me through his car window. But I can't help thinking this is all leading to my own crazy paranoia about him. It doesn't help that the last time I talked to him he asked me if I was going skydiving and the day before one of his ex-girlfriends asked me the same thing. She now lives an hour away. That seemed a little too confidential to me.
And this obsession just reminds me of one of the most embarrassing things I have done in recent history. Last semester I went on a white water rafting trip with a group from school, I think I've discussed this before, but what I left out was that on the way home I was sitting in the front seat of the lead suburban. Adventure Guy was driving the other van and was in the space right beside us.
When I looked over at the van AG started to mouth stuff. It started out with 'F**k You' and then morphed into 'I Want to F**k You'. So being the shy girl that I am who is trying to break out of her shell, I thought it was funny and started to mouth stuff back (I'm leaving what I said out because it's making me physically cringe just thinking about it). I was WRONG!!!! I was so very very wrong because I happened to look over my shoulder and the driver of our car was the one who he was actually mouthing stuff to. I wanted to fall off the face of the earth.
I have never told that story to anyone. But as my other shames come to the surface this one keeps replaying in my head. And I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure what to do about my inability to stop eating these foods and what to do about this guy.
http://going-on-from-there.blogspot.com/2012/03/shame-game.html this a link to my friends blog, the one that inspired this post is called The Shame Game. If you haven't read this blog it's called Moving on From There and you are really missing a great read.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Life on The Rock
I signed up for a rock climbing class this semester and it is definitely not going well. The one class I expected to be easy has now become my living nightmare.
You see I knew that I was afraid of heights but this class is taking it to the next level of fear. I spent roughly ten minutes crying this morning and then it took another hour of biting the inside of my mouth to keep from crying even more.......I hate this class. No scratch that I hate the Rock. The Rock is a rather large outdoor bouldering wall. It has a large cushioned pad on the inside for when someone falls and the entire thing has about five feet of ground tar bits surrounding it (and if you don't know tar bits are actually really springy & definitely better to land on than normal ground). It's actually a really nice bouldering wall.
So you’re probably thinking "What the heck is wrong then?” Well there are many things wrong and they are all combing to create a perfect storm of panic.
Let's start at the beginning. I am profoundly afraid of heights. This stems from a natural fear of heights but has been magnified in recent years by a sever imbalance in my inner ear and nerve damage in both of my legs and feet. The nerve damage causes me to randomly and severely lean in one direction, while the inner ear damage causes extreme vertigo (if you don't know anything about vertigo then know that when I get near the edge of something, like the edge of stairs, I feel like something is pulling me towards the edge.) This is not a pleasant combination.
Next on the list are my knees. I have shallow knee caps. They slide more than jelly in a clean bowl or a sea cumber after you've poked it a couple of times (go look it up, kinda gross right?). And sometimes they pop out of place. This is always a very painful experience and in many cases happens at the least expected times. Like stepping out of a car, walking across a parking lot, or jumping down less than six inches. So the thought of jumping off the side of the bouldering wall, even into very squishy tar bits, is very scary.
Last but certainly not least is my slight phobia of new groups of people. I am aquatinted with several of the people in class but I only know one, Autumn. So the thought of falling/failing and then hurting myself in front of so many people is also terrifying. For goodness sake I only ate once in two days when I went white water rafting with a group from the college because I was so nervous. I was very Very sick when I got home, primarily from dehydration.
I was going to talk to my instructor, Kyle, today but in talking to several older students the general consensus was basically that I was just going to have to get over it. After hearing that again this morning that's when I broke down and started crying. So no I am not going to talk to Kyle because I figured he would basically tell me the same thing. I am now faced with the choice of either dropping the class or failing when I can't/possibly won't climb the rock wall.
I'm not quite sure what to do.
And I swear if any of you tell me that "I can do it", "I just need to get over it", or "blah blah blah you need to strengthen certain muscles" I will find you and slap you up side your pretty little head.
I am so tired of everyone at school that I tell this problem to trying to fix it. I AM A GIRL!!!! Sometimes all I want is for someone to give me a hug and tell me that it'll be ok. I maybe a girl, but I'm a big girl I can take care of myself. Eventually I will figure out my own solution to this problem. But in the mean time I only want to be comforted.
And so my music for this post will reflect my mood:
P. S. my mood is frustrated : )
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Can't I have warm Turkey?
I hate quitting anything cold turkey, but I have. A couple of weeks ago I deleted Adventure Guy from my facebook and I deleted his number.
And it sucks.
Or at least it did suck a whole lot. Not so much anymore. I guess I’m just getting used to it.
Either way I’m free! hahahaha
This doesn't have anything to do with AG other than maybe it reminds me of my own crazyness when I get around a cute guy : ) Plus I love Cage the Elephant. Actually I just like watching Matthew Shultz dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0tsm0EhCJM
or whatever it is he's doing.
Run Away Bride!
Junie is married!!!!
That really shouldn’t come as a surprise. They finally announced their secret engagement about a month ago and started talking about having their wedding in March. That all went down the drain last Friday when she and Stan called a preacher and eloped. And true to their bizarre style Mr. & Mrs. Hobo didn’t tell anyone of their plans, not even her parents who at least live in town.
So the craziness begins.
I do have to admit that at least Stan now has a job as a trucker. Not the most glamorous job but it might keep their marriage together. He won’t be at home much so maybe she will continue being oblivious to his rudeness.
Either way I am going to congratulate them and wish them the best.
On a side note Stan has an absolutely horrible last name. I won’t mention it but let’s just say that a very disgusting bug shares the same name….and it might rhyme with coach. I don’t care how much I love the man I marry there are certain names I will NEVER change my last name too. If I were Junie I would be keeping my maiden name.
Yay wedding video!:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qFg5wH3wSg
I might do that at my wedding!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Ain't No Rest For The Wicked
Confession time.
I have fallen off the wagon. And shortly after falling off the wagon I decided to jump over the side of the common sense boat.
On Wednesday of last week……I talked to Adventure Guy. And I’ve been facebook stalking him again. It’s sad I know.
I don’t think I even have any feelings for him. Like at all. Somehow I’ve been hypnotized and I can’t stop. It’s like a slow motion bike wreck that you just can’t turn away from (it’s not even as interesting as a train wreck).
Back to the conversation I had with Adventure Guy. I’m not going to go into detail, but let’s say that I was sufficiently witty and he was acceptably funny. It really wasn’t that big of a deal and yet I want to text him right now.
What is up with that? I don’t know. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually though.
Otherwise life is going pretty good right now. There are only two weeks left in the semester and I’m Soooo ready for break that it is not even funny. And on the advice of Autumn I am formulating a plan on how to make my life more adventury without the help of a guy. So coming soon to a computer near you will be my very own version of a Bucket list! It will be filled with my own personal goals and so much adventure that you won’t believe that one person could possibly be that cool haha. I am determined that if I write it down I will do it before I kick the Bucket!
In the meantime it’s Friday and here is a video from one of my favorite shows. Ladies and Gentlemen it is my pleasure to present Jensen Ackles and Eye of the Tiger!
I love Jensen and one day I will do this:
I’m not sure if I’m going to add it to my Bucket list or not…. : )
And I almost forgot here's the song that my title comes from (I LOVE this song!):
Monday, November 14, 2011
Like A Virgin
So if you couldn’t tell by my title, I’m going to be talking about virgins. Actually I'm just going to talk about one virgin. Me. Yes I am a virgin (you would know that if you read my bio ; D).
Now before I really get into it, I feel like I need to do some embarrassing truth telling.
I’ve never been kissed.
That is how much of a virgin I am. I mean the closest thing I’ve seen to a guy’s junk are those diagrams they show you in middle school health class. You know the one’s I’m talking about. The kind of diagram that was the closest you could get to being a picture of a stick man, while still being able to be called a diagram (and I’m using the word diagram very loosely).
So how is it that a woman in her early twenties hasn’t even had her first kiss yet? I have no freaking clue! For goodness sakes I should have accidently kissed a guy by now. For now I guess I’ll just have to chalk it up to pure and unadulterated talent.
You’re probably asking what my point is (other than giving y’all waaaay too much personal information lol).
Well, being a virgin who thinks about sex more often than many teenage boys do, I really want to know how guys react when they find out a girl is a virgin. Because at some point I’m going to have to saying something about it to a guy.
So while talking to my friend Autumn the other day she told me that she had encountered a couple of different reactions when she told guys.
v Some like to emphasis how gentle they’ll be.
v Some see it as a challenge. “As in hey I bet I’m the one who can get in your pants”.
And to be honest I’m not sure I really like either of those reactions, or I guess I shouldn’t like either of those reactions.
While I would appreciate some gentility my first time, since I’ve been told it hurts for girls. As soon as that’s over with and I’m more comfortable I would like to move on to something else….like crazy animal sex. Yeah I said it. That’s why, I’m sure, I’m turned on by that second reaction. I mean the idea of being pursued is sexy. But like Autumn pointed out guys who think of your virginity that way are just players and should be avoided. And I know she’s right. Dang it.
So now I have a question for you ladies. How have guys, or a guy, reacted when you told them you were virgin? And for any of my male readers, what is your reaction when a girl tells you she’s a virgin?
And if y’all don’t get the reference in my title here is the video to Madonna’s song Like A Virgin:
I actually hate this song it’s just an awesome reference haha
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Stalkers Anonymous
Hello my name is Izzy and I have a problem. I am a facebook creeper.
Ok so I know I’m all Mr. Right and everything, but I have a serious thing for pretty boy players. Right now I’m still focused on Adventure Guy. I have however stopped visiting his FB page cold turkey. I’m only allowing myself to look at things of his that pop up on my news feed. Absolutely no going to his actual page.
I mean it’s absolutely ridiculous that I’m so interested in some guy who I really don’t even know that well and who is clearly a player. Why is it that my sensible side completely flies out the window when these guys are around?!? I mean seriously I know better! And yet I search for any sign of him on my news feed.
So why do I do this? Well I actually didn’t figure that out until recently. It turns out that while my brain is telling me I’m pretty, my internal self still has a confidence problem. So I’m attracted to these guys because I think if they want to date me then I must be pretty.
Yes that is a very stupid thought. Plus I was recently informed by a good friend that Adventure Guy is actually not very attractive. And yet I would probably say yes almost immediately if he asked me out. This is no bueno.
So I am going to treat this like an addiction.
Step one: admit you have a problem. Done
Step two: discover the cause of this problem. Done
Step three: accept that you can fix this problem (with help of course). Not so much
And I’m not sure where to go from there. I understand why I think this way, so I should be able to stop it. So why is it that every time I see a comment from Adventure Guy on a girl’s page, picture, or whatever I get mad at him? Once again this is definitely not bueno. And I totally realize how crazy I sound. But what can a girl do?
I guess I’ll just do The Creep! Haha
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