My own Shame

Ok so it's been a while since the last time I wrote anything. I've missed writing but I've been afraid that y'all would get bored with my blog and might be annoyed if I wrote about the same stuff. Needless to say my life has not been completely uneventful since the last time I wrote.

Just to give you an abbreviated version I climbed on the Rock, fell off the Rock, subsequently popped both of my knees out of place, dropped my rock climbing instructor out of a tree (it wasn't entirely my my fault and I did catch him before he hit the ground), signed up for skydiving/ many other adventurous trips, I became a vegetarian, I quit being a vegetarian, I started attending a Zumba and Yoga class (which I LOVE), I found out that I'm allergic to wheat products, and I have since renewed my obsession with Adventure Guy.

What prompted me to write now was a blog post a friend wrote. In this particular post she was talking about all of the things she feels shame about in her life. This made me think about my own "shames".

I am shamed by the fact that I can't seem to give up junk food. That I never stick to a diet for very long. When I say diet I mean eating healthier and giving up processed foods. And the fact that I am obsessing with this same stupid guy again and we never even talk!

I mean he did ask me if I was going to go skydiving a couple of weeks ago and I swear a month before that I saw him staring at me through his car window. But I can't help thinking this is all leading to my own crazy paranoia about him. It doesn't help that the last time I talked to him he asked me if I was going skydiving and the day before one of his ex-girlfriends asked me the same thing. She now lives an hour away. That seemed a little too confidential to me.

And this obsession just reminds me of one of the most embarrassing things I have done in recent history. Last semester I went on a white water rafting trip with a group from school, I think I've discussed this before, but what I left out was that on the way home I was sitting in the front seat of the lead suburban. Adventure Guy was driving the other van and was in the space right beside us.

When I looked over at the van AG started to mouth stuff. It started out with 'F**k You' and then morphed into 'I Want to F**k You'. So being the shy girl that I am who is trying to break out of her shell, I thought it was funny and started to mouth stuff back (I'm leaving what I said out because it's making me physically cringe just thinking about it). I was WRONG!!!! I was so very very wrong because I happened to look over my shoulder and the driver of our car was the one who he was actually mouthing stuff to. I wanted to fall off the face of the earth.

I have never told that story to anyone. But as my other shames come to the surface this one keeps replaying in my head. And I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure what to do about my inability to stop eating these foods and what to do about this guy.

http://going-on-from-there.blogspot.com/2012/03/shame-game.html this a link to my friends blog, the one that inspired this post is called The Shame Game. If you haven't read this blog it's called Moving on From There and you are really missing a great read.