Beginnings

I wasn’t sure how I would start this blog but I finally decided to start from the semi-beginning.

I have pretty much always been shy.   But recently I’ve forced myself to get better.  I’ve started making friends with a certain amount of ease and for a while I thought I was cured from this almost incapacitating shyness.

Until I met this guy.  We’re just going to call him Chris (aka Mr. Adventure).

Now along with my usual shyness I’ve always had this Rajeshish habit when I’m around guys.  And if you don’t watch Big Bang Theory then here is a clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9vVE3d3Dls&feature=related.

Basically Raj is unable to talk when he’s around women.  (I hope that’s what you got from the video).  Well in my world I just become a mute idiot.  I avoid eye contact and when I am actually able to say something it’s usually in one to two word sentences.  And if I say thing more than a couple of words I end up regretting it and hitting myself on the forehead later saying “Stupid! Stupid!”

And this is absolutely ridiculous!  I am an intelligent woman!  And yet when I get around this guy I somehow revert to this idiot teenager who fidgets like crazy. 

I mean I had a slight panic attack when I figured out that I was attracted to this guy.  How flipping crazy is that!  I am Miss. cool as a cucumber in every kind of situation.  Except when it comes to guys.

So why the almost panic attack?  Well all year I have been talking to guys with an unusual amount of ease.  And needless to say I’ve been of cloud nine about my progress.  But in looking back at all of those guys I started to see a pattern.  I wasn’t attracted to any of them.  And figuring out that I’m still an idiot around cute guys is what caused the near panic attack.

This is going to put a big dent in any plans I had for dating this year.